Crazy rant!

Today I am a bundle of nerves! I interviewed yesterday two new families for day care- I am watching one of the kids sporadically til the end of May, which was suppose to start today. Then, I'll have him and his 1 year old brother and 8 and 6 year old cousins as well full time. They called last night and I watched the one kid from 8p-midnight. This kid is super extensively ADHD! He talks NON-stop, and requires a LOT of attention! He very obsessively into art, which is totally cool and fine, but I can't even describe the experience...he's just all over the place! I wasn't prepared! On top of having him, I had a bunch of "little stuff" to do...rewrite my day care parent handbook and put together all the forms the families need, I needed to gather together some stuff I am selling, plus general house keeping and family care. The boy required so much attention last night that I wasn't able to get things done, then mornings here are just crazy in general and I was scrambling to keep everyone occupied and get morning routines done and I was cranky...I ended up feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless this AM and I was biting David's head off! Boy do I feel sorry for that man, living with my Manic/Depressiveness!

I want to get off my meds, then I have a day like today and feel like I'll never be NORMAL!

I hate details, being busy, obligations, deadlines, etc.

I did manage to get the paperwork done for both families (4 kids) and send them with the mom, so that's one less thing on my "to do" list. I was going to take a nice long hot bath, but then got distracted cleaning the bathroom. While cleaning, I got to thinking about things and now I'm emotional all over again and want to rant.

First of all, my brother was upset on Mother's Day when he went to visit my mom and "found out" that I was not there. He said he had no idea I was leaving and we didn't say goodbye. We were there a month and we even stayed 2 extra days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In a month, I say my brother 3 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told everyone from the beginning my "leaving date" and I am not going around chasing people to see them! I dragged my family 12 hours to come there and you can't drive 10 minutes to see us? Yeah, I feel like a queen-wouldn't you? WHICH brings me to another "thing"...

I asked everyone local on facebook if they wanted to have a big get together. Only a couple people were interested...so I figured why bother. I wasn't gonna try to put together a big "to do" with no one interested. I got a chat message on facebook from a guy I went to HS with...he said, "There was a gathering on May 3rd and no one got in touch with me about it." I said, "no one, but you, me and...wanted to get together, so I didn't bother, we ended up dedicating Christianna that day, going to lunch and then home for naps." (This guy lives 3 blocks from my mom's house!!!!!!!) He got all pissy with me and was saying how I was basically a horrible person and the 3 of us getting together was worth it and what a bitch I was how I was making excuses, that obviously my family was priority and I shouldn't have even sent out a "is any one interested" email...etc. I am so sad and hurt thinking about all he said. At the same time, I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo MAD!!!!!!! Excuse me? I got together with the "third party" who was interested a couple times and HE lives 3 blocks away and NEVER made an attempt to get together. You're DAMN RIGHT my family is priority! I would NEVER let anyone think otherwise. BUT, at the same time, I bend over backwards to accommodate people, friends, strangers etc. and am very angry and sad that I was accused of doing anything but!

It's days like today (which are not hardly even anything but maybe a 3 on my Ritcher scale), that make me feel like I can't handle life (HA, so imagine what it's like when it's worse!)! I am hoping that writing about it let's me get it out and feel better and able to cope again.

If you're reading this, I pray that I'm not scaring you, but I do hope it makes other people understand me a bit better and get to know me better.