I'm a brat

Alright, I know this, I'm a brat. And to put it more to truth, more like a b*tch. This has been a "set back" weekend for David and I. Partially, not to make excuses, it's just a fact, because I'm eratic at best on my meds (Effexor). I nit pick at David, I'm a perfectionist, I've turned into a negative person! David is such a wonderful dad, and husband. Why can't I be grateful for that? No, instead, I gotta b*tch about everything that's wrong! I am deciding today that I need to be more relaxed (I'm gonna have to be after surgery!!!!!) and start trying to appreciate my hubby and kids more and express to them my love and appreciation for them!!!!! How about, Thank you for unloading the car, doing the laundry and dishes and changing that diaper...Instead of...you piled everything wrong, missed this dish, and left the diaper on the floor? I need to make myself wake up everyday and be intentional about chilling out and showing my appreciation and love!!!!! This is a vow...I expect all my friends to hold me accountable and keep me on track...gotta it guys??? LOL. Thanks for listening!!!!

Kansas Aviation Museum

Saturday, September 27th, 2008. We were up early and still late as usual. 9AM we had a field trip with our church groups-Royal Rangers and Missionettes at the Kansas Aviation Musuem. It was "free museum day" and this is the museum we chose as a a group to go to. I'm glad, cause I would not pay $7 to enter this thing...it's just not my thing! But, the kids had a great time. The children were well behaved. The staff was very nice. The men were in awe of all the old stuff, statistics, etc. I got to see how life may be in a few years. Ben behind the wheel of a car (only 7 years from that being a possible reality!), Shanndon and Christianna in a car with friends (luckily a bit father away!). All the children got to get in the pilot's seat of various planes. Could this be a reality? My children flying people around? Eeeek, scary! But, the best part of all was hanging out with friends. The little ones got to climb and run, Ben and David got ot read and learn a lot! We were all very tired afterwards, so we took naps and relaxed the rest of the day away! It was a nice day!

Monkeys!

This is hilarious, but you must view the pictures to experience what I'm wriitng about! So, let me preface this by saying, I'm behind in blogging. I am writing this on Oct. 4, but it happened on Sept 25th (therefore back dating the blog). Also, if you've seen my profile, read blogs, know me, etc...you'll often hear me refer to my younger children as monkeys, or my life in a zoo, that type of thing...THIS IS WHY!!!!!
Okay, so Shanndon has always been a climber. We fight with him minutely about climbing and jumping on furniture, cabinets, cars, doors, EVERYTHING! By default, I suppose, Christianna is following in his footsteps! She has no fear, she wants to do EVERYTHING the boys do! So, it stands to reason that if Shanndon wants to climb a tree (that he can get up in himself), that Christianna would want to climb it (even though she needs to be lifted). Well, Daddy lifted her and sure enough, through and through she's a monkey. Maybe more so then Shanndon! She climbed higher then Shanndon!!!! She often scared daddy and I by stepping on branches that we didn't think would hold her! Go see pics. My baby, is a full grown MONKEY!!!

Settling Down

Settling Down Current mood: optimistic Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Ever since we decided to give up the daycare, rent the house, and move forward with the body lift, I have had such a peace come over me. It is a sad thought that I am "giving up my dream" (temporarily), but I really think that it's for the best right now. The prospect of settling down has been just such a relief. Really I don't even want to finish out the month we have left in the house. I want it to be done and over with! I don't even want to be at the house anymore!
We gave away Sassy (white cat) and Butterscotch (beige dog) last weekend. They are doing very well in thier new homes! They are very loved as well. Sassy was pooping and peeing everywhere. It happened when Ashley had her, it happened at the Sabin house, and it happened here. I couldn't handle it anymore! Butterscotch needed owners that could spend more time with him. He was destroying the backyard and the fencing. Since he's been gone, we've been able to take Sky everywhere with us. We don't have to worry about the door not shutting fast enough. Butterscotch dashed out the door at every oppurtunity, jumped on people, chewed up toys cause he was mad, etc. Sky is sad, as he misses his friend that he's been with his whole 9 months of life, but he's perked up recently. He's enjoying being able to be with us more. Sky doesn't run off, stays in the yard and doesn't destroy the yard and toys, and doesn't jump.
Yesterday we had a busy day...Friday night we had an all night "lock in" at church, everyone was cranky and tired this morning as no one slept, or hardly slept. Then we came home and took naps and went to a marriage enrichiment activity. Through "Marriage for Keeps", they had a choclate and strawberries, couples massage event, with free child care!!!! We got hands on instruction from the top massage therapist in Wichita on doing massage! David never gets massage from me, cause I think it's hard, and not sure I do it right (and really I'm not much of a touchy lovey person, so it's not natural for me to do)...but, Sveda made it seem easy and it was nice and made me want to give massage more often! David was already wonderful at giving massage!!! He didn't need any instruction, but she did show him how to work on pressure points for carpel tunnel (which I have!) and facial massage...that was nice! After that event, we went to a birthday party. Then we went back to the Sabin house. I briefly straightened up and we left. We were all so tired and I just didn't want to be there!!!!!!! I told David I did not want to come back on Sunday (like we normally do).
Sunday (today), we are not leaving the base house! I know this sounds crazy, but cleaning and organizing really is calming and relaxing to me. Today I am going to work on the basement...sorting and organizing clothes. I am going to have a huge garage sale in mid-October and hopefully I will have gone thru toys and clothes to sell and give away. Living in the simplified, clean, organized house has been so nice!!!!
Speaking of Sunday...I'm not going to attend Douglas Ave. Church on Sunday's anymore. I will continue to teach Missionettes and Ben will continue to to attend Royal Rangers for the time being, but I'm done with that church. Two weeks ago, I was fustrated with my girls never bringing thier materials to class, not doing any work, etc. They have such potential and they don't want to put any effort into it. They don't even want to memorize the simplest of verses. Well, I told them if they didn't WANT to be there, don't come and waste thier time or mine. I would rather them stay home then give me attitude, grief and distract the ones that do want to be there, earn and learn. Now, this is something I've heard Dan and Rachel (other leaders) also tell thier students. Well one of the mom's (who for whatever reason hates me-I don't know what I did!!!!) got ticked off and went off on Rachel (my boss) in the parking lot, in public about me. She went on to say that I shouldn't be allowed to work with kids or be alone with kids!!!! How can I stay in a church that I know has problems with me, but won't tell me what they are, even though I've gone to people to ask them? How can I stay in a church where I know my reputation is tarnished, for reasons unknown to me? I can't! I can't stand the stares, whispers, etc. I don't know what's being said, I can only imagine and it kills me. So, I'm done. I love working with the Missionettes though. I think they are learning. I think they are paying attention. We're accomplishing things, etc. Ben adores Dan and his Royal Ranger group, I would really hate to pull him away from them.
Well, the next month is still lots more changes, clearing out the Sabin house, and completely moving over to base, Dr. appts., babysitting Rae, getting prepared for surgery, etc. I look forward to having some time to be settled and relaxed. Hopefully, the kids will adjust well and things will be better for them.

Total 180!

In July we moved to base housing. The goal was to get a daycare up and running at our Sabin house. David and I were having a lot of trouble and I really just wanted to be seperated from the family. I had a timeline of September 1st and even then it was stretching it! Well, we took our a CD we had to get us thru August and September. We now have borrowed more money from David's dad to get us through September and October!!!! I am not getting "hits" on my advertising. No interest. I have one client right now! David's dad was in town last week and I got to schedule my body lift, he's loaning us the money for it. It's November 4th, 2008. The next thing was figuring out how I was going to run a daycare 2 weeks after a body lift. What if I wasn't back by then? Well, I felt I had no choice, and I just would be well by then!
Sunday night I got a message from a friend of mine. She said that her current landlord had just called her and told her that she had 3 months to sell the house that they were renting from her. She went on to joke about me giving up my daycare and renting my house to them, but she wouldn't ask that, cause it was my dream. So here I am reading this message...stressed over money and clients, business, completely exhausted and I get this message that bascially offers to take half my worry off me?! I immediately called her up to find out what was going on. This was no joke, this family with 5 kids and animals has 3 months to find a new place to live. So David and I talked about it...
Here we are in the position to help a friend by giving them a place to live with no excessive costs, like background and credit checks, deposits and absorbant rent...and here they are in the position to live in my house and pay the mortgage and utilities, and take care of the house and yard, etc. It's a win win situation!!!!
The final decision: we will spend the next couple weeks moving everything that we still have at the Sabin house, over to the base house and empty the Sabin house. As of October 15th, my friend and her family can move in and start painting, cleaning, decorating, etc. They will pay rent and all utilities, which leaves us just our DEBT, intead of living expenses and debt! I can go into my surgery on November 4th, not worried about losing our house. I can recover at my own pace and only have my own children to care for. Then when I recover, or possibly after I'm done with my multiple surgeries...I can try running a daycare again, at the base house. We have 5 &1/2 years til we retire, so if they want it that long, they can have it, otherwise we'll fnd other renters when they decide to leave. I feel so relieved! I was on the verge of "passin out"! Now I have even more work to do, BUT, I can have several weeks off after surgery!!!!