I'm a brat

Alright, I know this, I'm a brat. And to put it more to truth, more like a b*tch. This has been a "set back" weekend for David and I. Partially, not to make excuses, it's just a fact, because I'm eratic at best on my meds (Effexor). I nit pick at David, I'm a perfectionist, I've turned into a negative person! David is such a wonderful dad, and husband. Why can't I be grateful for that? No, instead, I gotta b*tch about everything that's wrong! I am deciding today that I need to be more relaxed (I'm gonna have to be after surgery!!!!!) and start trying to appreciate my hubby and kids more and express to them my love and appreciation for them!!!!! How about, Thank you for unloading the car, doing the laundry and dishes and changing that diaper...Instead of...you piled everything wrong, missed this dish, and left the diaper on the floor? I need to make myself wake up everyday and be intentional about chilling out and showing my appreciation and love!!!!! This is a vow...I expect all my friends to hold me accountable and keep me on track...gotta it guys??? LOL. Thanks for listening!!!!

Kansas Aviation Museum

Saturday, September 27th, 2008. We were up early and still late as usual. 9AM we had a field trip with our church groups-Royal Rangers and Missionettes at the Kansas Aviation Musuem. It was "free museum day" and this is the museum we chose as a a group to go to. I'm glad, cause I would not pay $7 to enter this thing...it's just not my thing! But, the kids had a great time. The children were well behaved. The staff was very nice. The men were in awe of all the old stuff, statistics, etc. I got to see how life may be in a few years. Ben behind the wheel of a car (only 7 years from that being a possible reality!), Shanndon and Christianna in a car with friends (luckily a bit father away!). All the children got to get in the pilot's seat of various planes. Could this be a reality? My children flying people around? Eeeek, scary! But, the best part of all was hanging out with friends. The little ones got to climb and run, Ben and David got ot read and learn a lot! We were all very tired afterwards, so we took naps and relaxed the rest of the day away! It was a nice day!

Monkeys!

This is hilarious, but you must view the pictures to experience what I'm wriitng about! So, let me preface this by saying, I'm behind in blogging. I am writing this on Oct. 4, but it happened on Sept 25th (therefore back dating the blog). Also, if you've seen my profile, read blogs, know me, etc...you'll often hear me refer to my younger children as monkeys, or my life in a zoo, that type of thing...THIS IS WHY!!!!!
Okay, so Shanndon has always been a climber. We fight with him minutely about climbing and jumping on furniture, cabinets, cars, doors, EVERYTHING! By default, I suppose, Christianna is following in his footsteps! She has no fear, she wants to do EVERYTHING the boys do! So, it stands to reason that if Shanndon wants to climb a tree (that he can get up in himself), that Christianna would want to climb it (even though she needs to be lifted). Well, Daddy lifted her and sure enough, through and through she's a monkey. Maybe more so then Shanndon! She climbed higher then Shanndon!!!! She often scared daddy and I by stepping on branches that we didn't think would hold her! Go see pics. My baby, is a full grown MONKEY!!!

Settling Down

Settling Down Current mood: optimistic Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Ever since we decided to give up the daycare, rent the house, and move forward with the body lift, I have had such a peace come over me. It is a sad thought that I am "giving up my dream" (temporarily), but I really think that it's for the best right now. The prospect of settling down has been just such a relief. Really I don't even want to finish out the month we have left in the house. I want it to be done and over with! I don't even want to be at the house anymore!
We gave away Sassy (white cat) and Butterscotch (beige dog) last weekend. They are doing very well in thier new homes! They are very loved as well. Sassy was pooping and peeing everywhere. It happened when Ashley had her, it happened at the Sabin house, and it happened here. I couldn't handle it anymore! Butterscotch needed owners that could spend more time with him. He was destroying the backyard and the fencing. Since he's been gone, we've been able to take Sky everywhere with us. We don't have to worry about the door not shutting fast enough. Butterscotch dashed out the door at every oppurtunity, jumped on people, chewed up toys cause he was mad, etc. Sky is sad, as he misses his friend that he's been with his whole 9 months of life, but he's perked up recently. He's enjoying being able to be with us more. Sky doesn't run off, stays in the yard and doesn't destroy the yard and toys, and doesn't jump.
Yesterday we had a busy day...Friday night we had an all night "lock in" at church, everyone was cranky and tired this morning as no one slept, or hardly slept. Then we came home and took naps and went to a marriage enrichiment activity. Through "Marriage for Keeps", they had a choclate and strawberries, couples massage event, with free child care!!!! We got hands on instruction from the top massage therapist in Wichita on doing massage! David never gets massage from me, cause I think it's hard, and not sure I do it right (and really I'm not much of a touchy lovey person, so it's not natural for me to do)...but, Sveda made it seem easy and it was nice and made me want to give massage more often! David was already wonderful at giving massage!!! He didn't need any instruction, but she did show him how to work on pressure points for carpel tunnel (which I have!) and facial massage...that was nice! After that event, we went to a birthday party. Then we went back to the Sabin house. I briefly straightened up and we left. We were all so tired and I just didn't want to be there!!!!!!! I told David I did not want to come back on Sunday (like we normally do).
Sunday (today), we are not leaving the base house! I know this sounds crazy, but cleaning and organizing really is calming and relaxing to me. Today I am going to work on the basement...sorting and organizing clothes. I am going to have a huge garage sale in mid-October and hopefully I will have gone thru toys and clothes to sell and give away. Living in the simplified, clean, organized house has been so nice!!!!
Speaking of Sunday...I'm not going to attend Douglas Ave. Church on Sunday's anymore. I will continue to teach Missionettes and Ben will continue to to attend Royal Rangers for the time being, but I'm done with that church. Two weeks ago, I was fustrated with my girls never bringing thier materials to class, not doing any work, etc. They have such potential and they don't want to put any effort into it. They don't even want to memorize the simplest of verses. Well, I told them if they didn't WANT to be there, don't come and waste thier time or mine. I would rather them stay home then give me attitude, grief and distract the ones that do want to be there, earn and learn. Now, this is something I've heard Dan and Rachel (other leaders) also tell thier students. Well one of the mom's (who for whatever reason hates me-I don't know what I did!!!!) got ticked off and went off on Rachel (my boss) in the parking lot, in public about me. She went on to say that I shouldn't be allowed to work with kids or be alone with kids!!!! How can I stay in a church that I know has problems with me, but won't tell me what they are, even though I've gone to people to ask them? How can I stay in a church where I know my reputation is tarnished, for reasons unknown to me? I can't! I can't stand the stares, whispers, etc. I don't know what's being said, I can only imagine and it kills me. So, I'm done. I love working with the Missionettes though. I think they are learning. I think they are paying attention. We're accomplishing things, etc. Ben adores Dan and his Royal Ranger group, I would really hate to pull him away from them.
Well, the next month is still lots more changes, clearing out the Sabin house, and completely moving over to base, Dr. appts., babysitting Rae, getting prepared for surgery, etc. I look forward to having some time to be settled and relaxed. Hopefully, the kids will adjust well and things will be better for them.

Total 180!

In July we moved to base housing. The goal was to get a daycare up and running at our Sabin house. David and I were having a lot of trouble and I really just wanted to be seperated from the family. I had a timeline of September 1st and even then it was stretching it! Well, we took our a CD we had to get us thru August and September. We now have borrowed more money from David's dad to get us through September and October!!!! I am not getting "hits" on my advertising. No interest. I have one client right now! David's dad was in town last week and I got to schedule my body lift, he's loaning us the money for it. It's November 4th, 2008. The next thing was figuring out how I was going to run a daycare 2 weeks after a body lift. What if I wasn't back by then? Well, I felt I had no choice, and I just would be well by then!
Sunday night I got a message from a friend of mine. She said that her current landlord had just called her and told her that she had 3 months to sell the house that they were renting from her. She went on to joke about me giving up my daycare and renting my house to them, but she wouldn't ask that, cause it was my dream. So here I am reading this message...stressed over money and clients, business, completely exhausted and I get this message that bascially offers to take half my worry off me?! I immediately called her up to find out what was going on. This was no joke, this family with 5 kids and animals has 3 months to find a new place to live. So David and I talked about it...
Here we are in the position to help a friend by giving them a place to live with no excessive costs, like background and credit checks, deposits and absorbant rent...and here they are in the position to live in my house and pay the mortgage and utilities, and take care of the house and yard, etc. It's a win win situation!!!!
The final decision: we will spend the next couple weeks moving everything that we still have at the Sabin house, over to the base house and empty the Sabin house. As of October 15th, my friend and her family can move in and start painting, cleaning, decorating, etc. They will pay rent and all utilities, which leaves us just our DEBT, intead of living expenses and debt! I can go into my surgery on November 4th, not worried about losing our house. I can recover at my own pace and only have my own children to care for. Then when I recover, or possibly after I'm done with my multiple surgeries...I can try running a daycare again, at the base house. We have 5 &1/2 years til we retire, so if they want it that long, they can have it, otherwise we'll fnd other renters when they decide to leave. I feel so relieved! I was on the verge of "passin out"! Now I have even more work to do, BUT, I can have several weeks off after surgery!!!!

September 12, 2008

It's Friday!!!!
Boeing went on strike and mom of the girl I care for is on 3 day work week. She was going to bring her today just so she can get some cleaning done (and she pays for my time anyway, so why not?!), but, the streets between her house and mine are impassable in her little car! It's been raining for days! The water is up to my porch and it's due to rain thru Sunday yet! Then, once "IKE" hits and makes it's way up here, they are predicting another 5-10 inches of rain being dropped on us. They are predicting mass flooding! Crazy! This has been the coldest summer I've ever been exposed too. I can't imagine what winter will be like! Will it be unseasonably warm, or cold? If it was this "cold" for summer? EEEEK.
This week has been nice. David's dad drove up from Texas and arrived Tuesday about 630pm. Wednesday was David's birthday (that's why dad is here). I mentioned my dream for a bordered sand filled "playground" in my back yard and he said he'd do it. He bought all the supplies and did all the work (IN THE RAIN!). Today (Friday) David had off, so he's helping today. There is 25 TONS of sand in my driveway at the moment (I'll upload pictures later). Wednesday, Ben went on a field trip and monitored the "health" of our local bodies of water. He came home with a magnifying glass and has been using it for everything. In digging up the yard, they've found tons of grubs and worms. Thursday, Ben's friends Mitch and Mikey came over to play and helped papa and the boys work on the playground. For all thier hard work, dad went out and bought them Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream for a treat.
Last night the little kids played in the rain with chalk. It was so cool! They learned they could make "paint"(wet chalk)! They got all chalky and then rinsed off in puddles. It was so cute. Shanndon mixed colors and "discovered" that pink and blue makes purple and that blue and yellow makes green. He was so proud of himself! Christi and Rae learned they can color on scooters and hands and my chair arms, etc. LOL. While we were outside playing in the rain, Papa and Ben were watching "How it's made" and they learned how sandpaper and sanding grits, hotdogs, potato chips and thier containers, and wooden bowls are made.
Also about Thursday-September 11, 2008...my brother James and his wife, Carol had thier third baby! It's a girl!!!! Emily Marie Rupp was born about 330pm (Carol was induced a week early due to gestational diabetes). Emily Marie weighed 9lbs 2 oz and is 20 1/2 inches long! That is 17 grandchild for Francis and Nedra Rupp!!!
Tonight Ben is going to his friend Jonathon's to sleep over. He misses Jonathon, since we're over here every afternoon, he rarely gets to see him anymore. He's very excited! He says he'll let Jonathon pick the first game they play on Wii and he will play whatever Jonathon wants to play!!! Dad offered to treat us to dinner tonight too! WOOHOO!

Sept. 8-3 weeks since last blog

It's been 3 weeks since my last blog, so I thought it was time for an update.
Daycare: Still only have one little girl full time at the moment. It's nice on one hand, since I can take her with me when I go places and things are more flexible, BUT it's really coming crunch time, and I'm feeling the money pinch. I've invested a lot of time and money into getting things going and it's not going. I had my inspection on September 2. I need to just get 50 TONS of sand put under my swing sets and jungle gym, I am hoping to be able to do that with the October 1st paycheck, we'll see. Once I receive my license in the mail (should be anyday they said!), I can call that day and sign up with Child Start for referrals and get on the food program. Today (Monday) I have an interview with another client. She will come over and meet me, we'll go over policies and then she'll go home and discuss it. If she likes me, she'll call me and I'll get her the paperwork to fill out and she'll give me a $20 enrollment fee. Then on the day she starts-I get full payment for that week. I cut out the week deposit and did the enrollment fee, because I was writing contracts and printing papers and getting promises of next day starting, then no show. So, I won't "invest" my time and energy until they pay the $20 enrollment fee! I feel so cruel, but it's got to be, I guess. I am over obsessed with arrangment of the daycare...I rearrange furniture at least every other day!!!! It's driving me bonkers!
Family: Things are going well. I've been spending a couple days a week at the Sabin house alone. It's nice!!!! At midnight, all the kids are gone and I sit and watch a soap opera or two and go to bed. I don't worry about cleaning until the next morning, knowing it's not going to get "piled on" at breakfast time, I can take my time. I do need to work on the basements at both houses and have seriously been procrastinating!!!!! The kids are getting into thier routine and beginning to grasp what's going on. They are adjusting well. This Monday we had no "Marriage for Keeps" class because of Labor day, and Rae's mom had off, so we weren't at the Sabin house. The kids were sad that Nikki and Becca didn't come to babysit. This past Friday night, I had Rae overnight and David worked really late, so I had all the kids overnight til Saturday at 2pm. We got a pull out couch from someone on freecycle, so the boys slept there, Christianna slept with me in bed and Rae in the pack n play. They all slept really well. Woke up at 930am and ate and played great! It was nice. We're doing more activities and music and such then "before the daycare", because now for that time I'm dedicated to them, not them and life and living space and animals, etc. The kids are singing on thier own, they love to sit and read and be read too. They are becoming imaginative and playful, more. It's neat. They adore Rae too. Ben is in a bit of a routine with schoolwork. He does his work from 3-5pm (depending on on fast and correctly he works). This is "naptime", so he and I get one on one time together. We haven't started the Abeka 3rd grade curriculum yet, we're finishing up "leftover" stuff and working on magazines (reading and wordsearches, crosswords, etc.) We get Ranger Rick, Big Backyard, Spider and Children's Digest. He loves the animals ones!
Marriage: Things are going well. David and I are learning lots of communication tools and techniques in class. The class before Labor Day was about "expectations" and we had 10 pages of questions to fill out and discuss. I filled out mine, David's working on his. Then we'll come together and discuss each thing, one at a time...talk about each other's expectations in that area and if they're reasonable, if we can come to a compromise, etc. It's big stuff and little stuff...like where do you squeeze the toothpaste tube and what does it mean to be faithful, etc. We did choose to discuss one HUGE issue over Labor Day weekend. We used the Speaker Listener technique and it went very well, in my opinion. We discussed things calmly and paraphrased and we each felt heard and validated and we discussed solutions, etc. I personally feel very very relieved and like I can move forward in life. It will take time to heal and I will just have to believe that in time he can forgive, and trust again and I'll just have to work really hard on reassuring him and doing trusted behavior. I don't think we've fought but once or twice since starting this class. This past Saturday was a tiff, but that was from total lack of miscommunication and very minor (and most likely PMS that I even let it get to me!)
Extended Family: My youngest sister, JoEllyn had a baby boy on Aug. 15th. He was 3+ weeks early (induced and then csection). He weighted 4 lbs and 10 ozs and 18 inches long. His name is Hunter William Sammons. He had a bunch of problems, and was in the hospital for a while, but is now home with the family.
My other sister Julie, is home from Mexico. She came in August 27. She had a wonderful time there and fell in love with her inlaws! She didn't want to come back. She left her 2 older children in Mexico with thier dad. They are hoping he'll be home at the end of September, but won't know for sure til his appointment on Sept 24th. Annabelle (and maybe Mena too?) started school in Mexico. Julie is very sad and heartbroken right now, being away from her children, but she knows she needs to work and keep insurance on the kids. Lucas (her baby boy) is in Chicago with her. Last I heard, she was going to be living with her best friend Susie, but mom was close to convincing her to stay with her, so I dunno what's happened with that. It's been a while since I talked to them, life is crazy on both ends of the phone! LOL.
David's dad is coming to visit us this week! He'll arrive Wednesday (which is David's birthday!!!!!) and stay til Saturday. He'll get to see our new house and the daycare house and spend time with the family. It'll be nice. He was in southern Texas in August helping with hurricane relief and he's been working hard on his own work and then his house when not "working", so this is the first chance he's had to come up in a while.
Houses: The Sabin hose is coming along nicely. I'm no where near ready to paint, but maybe I never will be. Maybe I'll just leave it the way it is and poster it with kid stuff instead of painting! I just feel like I'll never have adequate time to do that! The yard is ship shape (except I now need 50 TONS of sand!). I got furniture for free from someone moving to England, so there's plenty of living room seating. Basement is still a thorn in my side. I ordered a dehumidifier for down there, so hopefully that will make it better. We'll see!
The base house is great. I've come to a routine as far as both houses go. I spend half and half at each place. First "cleaning project" I hit when I come in to the base house is both bathrooms (that's not a place David pays attention too and with 2 potty training children, it's a big issue for me). Then the kitchen (cabinets and floor), then vacuuming. From there, who knows...mainly play with the kids and watch TV! LOL Again, the basement is a thorn in my side. Need to get down there, sort, organize, empty boxes. But then again, that's the beauty of having everything in the basement, right???????? Can't see it!!!!
Both houses are now very simple, decluttered living!!!!! It's all in the basement!
The End: I guess that's life in a nutshell here. It's crazy. I read my Yahoo! horoscope yesterday and was amused, thought I'd share..."You can't spend your life going from one adventure to another. Slow down and relax." So yesterday I did, I played with the kids and watched TV. It was very nice!!!! Today, it's back to the grindstone! Gonna get some work done, turn in some papers to the AirForce Childcare Office and pay a bill, then have that interview this afternoon and relax and play with the kids til class time this evening! Sorry so long, it's been a while and a lot has been going on.