Goodbye October

I can't believe October is gone already. Time is seeming to just fly by. Of course that's the way it is when you have a billion things to do! I have to say, we've really been relaxed about the time crunch though. I think we were just so busy for so long, and we're so tired, that we've decided to just take it slow. We have been working on the basement! I finished the guest room (added lamps, night tables and dresser, and TV with cable hooked up). And we have unpacked, sorted, arranged, etc. a lot of the basement. I decided the table we bought was too big for the upstairs, so we brought up the 90 year old antique table that we inherited from grandma. It's about half the size, but it's still seating for 6. It's killing me though, because it's sooooo old and formal, that I freak out over every spill! I don't think it's every been used as a daily table by a young family at that! I need to just get a table cloth (add that to my to do list!). We put the big table in the basement for our school/art table. It looks great. I also started organizing school supplies, curriculum, etc.
The weather has been crazy! We got a frost for a couple days this week, the is was 77 degrees for Halloween and all this weekend! I swear the kids are gonna sick! I do love this time of year tho! I updated my profile to reflect that! I like all seasons, but summer and fall are my favorites. I love dressing in layers to stay warm, the crisp air, the bright colors of the leaves, the crunch of leaves under our feet. It's so beautiful and soooooooooooo much to do!
Wednesday, October 29, David had a vasectomy!!!!! No more babies for us! He worked til 730am that day and then napped. We arrived ad checking in about 1120/1125am, he was called back a little after noon and we were home with prescriptions by 1pm. He slept the rest of the day, til 830pm, then back to sleep for the night at 130am. He has taken about 2 pain pills each day, but his recovery has been great. He sat up and did homework at the table all day Thursday afternoon and then Friday he helped me with the basement! Then insisted on coming with us for trick or treating! I can't believe how "easy" it is for guys to have done and recover from!
So of course the end of October is Halloween. Ben wanted to be a clone trooper, Shanndon couldn't decide and Christianna didn't care. We bought Ben a clone trooper outfit at 4pm on Halloween day (20% off!!!!), and Shanndon and Christianna chose from out vast amount of dress up clothes! It was a simple day, as our last couple weeks have been. David and I worked all day on the basement-unpacking, sorting, organizing, and moving furniture. Shanndon and Christianna napped and DAvid took Ben to the store for his costume. When the kids woke up they "decided" which costume they were gonna wear. We attempted to get pictures, but they didn't cooperate very well. So the only pics I have is what you see in our "Halloween 2008" photo album. I had "grand plans" (mall, base, then college hill), but we ended up deciding to stick with the theme of the day and be simple...just walk around base. Then we went to dinner at Village Inn. We came home and had a couple pieces of candy and played, then baths and bed. Very simple and low key!!!
What a nice ending to October-relaxed, accomplished, and content. Hello November!

Guest Room

Sunday night, David and I finally got around to working in the basement a bit. We made the front of the basement, a guest room. There is beige carpet with padding in there that we had to measure, cut, lay and then ct around the sump pump and drain. We put the full size and queen size bed in there. Chris and Bonnie (David's brother) can have the full size bed and then their 3 kids can share the queen. Also, there's two ends tables and lamps, a dresser and TV with basic cable hooked up and radio, I need to find one of my extra clocks and hook put that in there. We also kinda started on the "office" part of the basement. It's going to be a long process, but I'm hoping to work pretty hard on it this weekend. I'm so happy with the little progress we've made! Yet again, I'll have to take and upload pics sometime! LOL Hopefully our guests will feel comfortable and like they have thier own private space that they like and it doesn't feel "basement-y".

Fatigue

Why is it, when you have the shortest amount of time to do something with the most amount of "stuff" to do, life comes crashing down around you? Friday and Saturday I have literally barely been able to hold my head up! I am SOOOOOOOOOO tired! This is WITH taking all my viatmins and iron!!!! Shouldn't I be feeling better? Have more energy? I can't afford this lethargia!!!! Saturday we had a Fall Festival at church and then we went our friend Jennie's birthday party on our way home. I could only stay 45 minutes, I was soooooooooo tired!!!! This was after resting all day Friday and half of Saturday!!!!
I have really got to push thru my tiredness and get to work. So, here we go...off to work...HUT HUT HIKE!!!!

Birthday Parties

Okay, I'm sure this sounds crazy, but, we had a "triple birthday party" for the kids this week at Chuck E. Cheese. Shanndon turned 3 back in February, Christianna turned 2 in July and Ben turned 9 in October. Shanndon's birthday, we had a "family" thing and went to dinner with just us and the kids and our exchange students. Christianna was COMPLETELY ignored...we had jsut gotten home from Chicago and started moving on base and was trying to get the daycare up and running. She literally got a kiss and a "happy birthday baby girl" and that was it. Ben of course is 9 and KNOWS he gets a party!!! So we decided to have them all together! We had it at Chuck E. Cheese. It was informal. Each kid (25 friends) got 10 game tokens, we had snacks and drinks and cake. That's it. Simple, fun, memorable. The kids had a blast!!!! I was pretty suprised to hear a lot of the adults and kids had either never been to Chuck E. Cheese, or it had been years and years since they'd gone, so it seemed to be a hit for all...relaxing, fun, "new". Christianna picked out an Elmo "cupcake" cake. Shanndon picked out a chocolate cake with orange, blue and green squiggles, and Ben picked out a chocolate cake with Green mostly and blue and green flowers. They had such fun. Christianna and Rae literally just ran rampant. Ben and Shanndon had a blast with friends. They got wonderful presents! Baby dolls, playdoh, stuffed puppies, money, candy, legos, magic tricks, giant pencils, bionicles, star wars figures, a giant batmobile, beautiful handmade cards, and so much more! I gave them our presents when we got home. Gross out doodle Monster, Kinex sets, Littlest Pet Shop, and "Fairy" Barbies. I am so glad we did this. It was a Thursday, totally uncrowded! One friend Lauryn, is completely terrified of anything costume, so they bribed her with a billion tokens to get her from under a table and to quit crying (so we all got more then our money's worth), then they gave away tons and tons of free tickets too!!!!! I was really feeling guilty for neglecting Christianna this year! Now, to get around to uploading the pics!!!! LOL

Can't go on

Monday was the last day of our Marriage for Keeps class. Bittersweet. It frees up our Mondays and no scrambling for babysitters, but it was a great time for David and I to spend together and great learning experience. It was also a weekly reminder of how to treat each other and we had to be accountable, as each week we reported what we did to "decide or slide, do our part, or make it safe to connect".
The plastic surgeon called with my lab results. They postponed my surgery to Nov. 20 to give my body time to respond to all the supplements I'm on. I'm not fit for surgery at this time. My iron was a "critical" 7.9 and he won't touch me til it's at least an 8. My liver panel was also high. I am now on iron 3 times a day, as well as 6 chewable vitamins and trying to eat as much protein as I can. It's disappointing, but relieving. It gives me more time to "settle in" here. The garage and basement are nearly impassable at this point and the house needs to be put in order and ready for David and the children to function without me for a while.
I also had a follow up with my neurologist/sleep Dr. this week. That wasn't pleasant either. My sleep study showed that my apnea is worsening. He upped my bipap pressures slightly. They were 12/8 and now 14/10. Also, the apnea is changing. Right now there is a medical reason I stop breathing. It's obstructive sleep apnea. But it's changing to a different kind, I forget the name...but where my body just stops breathing for no reason. He can't predict when it's going to change completely. Could be tomorrow, could be 10 years from now. When it happens, I'll need a new machine that breaths for me, not just pushes air in my face! So he'll need to monitor my "sleep card" (a mircochip in my machine), my blood pressure and sleepiness every 8 weeks for the rest of my life! Guess I gotta start using my machine!!!!!!! Did I mention I'm 33 years old??????????????????? NOT 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official. We're landlords! Marc, David, Steph's brother and our other friends' hubby all got together Saturday and moved Stephane and Marc in 3 hours. It was jsut furniture, as Steph has been making a dozen trips a day for the last couple weeks moving stuff in her van. Stephanie's dryer went kaput and we found them a free dryer and so they're all fixed up there too! Saturday night we all hung out by thier firepit and had smores and a couple celebratory drinks to a "completed move".
Today is not a good day. The move is complete, but everything here is in such disarray. It's so overwhelming. I feel like I can barely function, like I can't go on!!!
Also, today would by my mom and dad's 34th wedding anniversary. I can only imagine how my mom is dealing, coping, feeling. I want to be there, hold her, hug her! I am so torn. I wish I could be by my family. I should be there taking care of them! I am so worried about my mom, I have called her house, cell, and Julie and JoEllyn's phones! I just don't nwat her to be alone today! I hate feeling helpless! I am so angry at my dad for leaving us! I am just like him tho! How can I be mad at him? I KNOW what I need to do. I know I need to care for myself better. I don't! I'm headed in the same direction...an early grave. The difference is, my family would completely be able to function without me and honestly I probably wouldn't be missed. They'd really be better off...less controlled, more at ease, no schedule, happy!!!! David is so good and self sufficient, they don't need me. Everyone was completely dependent on my dad! Mom was completely dependent on dad!!!!! That pisses me off!
I'm just so tired and really feeling like I can't go on right now.

We're moved!

So much going on this week. We have completely packed everything in the house. I put together and organized, labeled etc. everything and held my very first garage sale ever! I actually think it was a success. Now it's over and boxed up. It's great, all the boxes are labeled "garage sale" and with what's in them, so they're easy to find and such. Our friends Steph and Marc have pretty much moved us!!!! They are very experienced with moving. Stephanie has come over to help with kids and boxing, etc. She's had her kids transfer all the sand into the sand box and help with the kids. We could NOT have done it without them and thier help. I can not THANK THEM enough. It was a little hard, they were moving in while we were moving out. I kinda thought that we'd have an "out date" and they'd have in "in date". But it wasn't too bad. Since they we're coming over, they brought thier items, painted walls etc. I hadn't really had a great plan to big with, which was a bad thing! Thier "landlord" was trying to sell the house from under them and they felt pressure to "get out". It was just crazy!!! David came home Friday and said he had Monday off for Columbus Day (which we hadn't known before that) and that he thought we could move that weekend, rather then Tuesday, so that pushed everyone up a couple days. So, we moved our 2nd whole house into our basement and garage. Like I said, with the hard work and help of Steph and family. It feel so good to be "DONE"! Now next Saturday we move Steph's family in. David is completely inexperienced with moving, so there are a few items left at the other house that SHOULD have been on the truck...like, the jungle gym! But, such is life. We'll just take items as we go back and forth. Now I'll spend the next couple days over at the Sabin house cleaning and patching nail holes.

3 weeks post surgery-You won't believe my luck!

Well its been 3 weeks since I had my middle body lift. The first week -2 went better then I thought. I felt I was getting around better then anticipated, thought I was in less pain then anticipated. I had 4 drains (tubes sticking out of my body that emptied into a little bulb like thing)-these things are uncomfortable, annoying, they got "caught" on things, painful even. Last week I got my right side tummy drain removed. They want your "drainage" to be between 20-25 or less to remove them. The other drains were still putting out 30-40, so I had 3 still in this week. This week has been the most metal anguish I have been in, the holes for the drains were burning and hurting. I seriously have been very depressed, and down about the whole surgery. I've had lots of people tell me "I'm lucky" to have this surgery, "It will all be worth it", etc. This is not how I was feeling. I've been angry, resentful, mad at myself, etc.

Sunday night David got a call from work (he's on leave!). Apparently one boss is on a "business trip" for 2 weeks and another co-worker is hospitalized with Ecoli and a partially deflated lung, so they needed David to come in and on day shift. We talked about it...I can't drive yet, his boss said there'd be no problem getting off for the DR appts we had this week. The kids sleep in til 9am, so then I'd just have to get them breakfast and change and dress Christianna and lunch. David said he'd do all clean up and everything. Then he'd be home at 315pm. The first day (Monday), was not a good sign-I got Christianna changed and dressed, then went around gathering sippy cups and gathering dirty clothes. When I came to the front of the house, Christianna had taken the lock off the fridge, pulled out about 10 string cheese and scissors and cut up cheese and wrappers all over the couch and floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I about killed her! David got home about 30 minutes later and put her and I too bed and we had a short nap together.

Tuesday-the day before my 3 week surgery appt. I woke up itching really bad!!!! I was broke out in HIVES from head to toe (neck, hair, eyes, ears, palms, on and in my incision, etc.)!!!! I called David and we went to Urgent Care (Base clinic had no appts open). I was given an Epinepheren shot (HOLY CRAP that burned!!!!), and 2 Atarax, then scripts for Atarax and Prednisone. The problem is, Prednisone hinders healing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They didn't want to prescribe it to me without consulting my surgeon. So, I called the surgeon, and while he's not happy about it, he said we'll deal with the consequences and to take them (the hives are as bad or worse today!!!!) They have no idea why i broke out in these hives. It could be any one of numerous reasons, or a combination of reasons! From prolonged narcotic use, to delayed antibiotic reaction, to even a new Latex allergy (the binder I'm wearing has Latex in it). So I'm no longer on the Dilaudid, as the build up of the narcotic could be a cause, so if I stop it, the hives should go away (eventually).

Each day we record the 24 hour "output" of these drains. I was looking at the numbers last night (full of hives, after "whining on the phone to my mom, uncomfortable as all get out and in pain) and I just KNEW the DR was not going to take them out. They were still outputting anywhere from 30-40. I joked to David and my mom that I was going to fudge the numbers. They both advised me not too, I can get thru this, it will all be worth it, yada yada. This morning I woke up and I did it, I wrote up a new paper and I fudged my output numbers to make them "borderline". So, the DR was hestitiant, but he saw the (fudged) numbers and listened to my begging and whining and took out the drains. He said, are you willing to deal with the possible problems and complications? I said yes! He said, fine, I told you...and took them out!

SO i'm feeling a little better, more free, as I don't have tubes sticking out of me...less freakish, as I don't have these drains hanging off me. The holes where the drains were are still sore and the hives are killing me, but hopefully that will all dissapate soon. I am wearing a binder 24/7 and they orded me a "support undergarment" that i'll have to wear for 6 weeks (but couldn't wear with the drains). The Dr. is worried cause I have quite a bit of swelling and now my legs are swollen and the hives.

There was bad weather last night and today the roads are bad, on the way home from the DR., two blocks from our house, David was turning and slid thru a turn, smashed a curb hard head on, and drove on someone's lawn, between a powerpole and wire. It hurt my "incision" very bad (right above my pubic bone). I didn't really pay much attention, thought it would go away...well it didn't, got worse. Motrin 800 wasn't touching it. I don't see anything "messed up" on the outside, it's more inner, like under the incision. I'm hoping and praying it's nothing serious and this pain goes away soon as well.

My next appt is next Wednesday. I am hoping to be able to drive by then, so David can just stay home with the kids while I take myself to the Dr. and then to take the kids that night to the church Christmas party. And I'm hoping I make it to Wednesday with no complications and all is well for that appt! David is dong very well holding down the fort. It's taken a melt down over the condition of the house, but he's got the house in order and is always good with the kids! I thought about making a "to do list", but didn't want to have to do that, but David has asked for a "to do list", so he can see what needs to be done daily in writing. It's just craziness!!!

Sleep Study and Surgical Consultation

I have sleep apnea. I am suppose to use a breathing machine at night, but I don't! I don't do a lot of what I'm suppose to...don't take my vitamins and supplements, don't take care of myself like I should. Etc. Etc. I was hoping that with losing the 200 lbs, that my sleep apnea just went away. I go every 3 months to the Dr. for check ups. He's not happy that I'm not using my machine, so he ordered a follow up sleep study. Well the study I did a month ago came back that I do indeed still have sleep apnea. So he ordered another sleep study to figure out what pressures the breathing machine needs to be set at. I did this study last night. Currently I'm on (well, suppose to be!) a Bipap (which is a machine that pushes air in and pulls it out). My current setting is dramatically less then it was when I was 342 lbs! It used to be 15/12 now it's 12/8. So I do this sleep study...I asked the technician when it first started, what the pressure was set at, she said 8/4 (then the adjust it thru the night as I sleep to figure out what I need it set at), when I woke up at 4am, I asked what the pressures were set at now, she said 17/14. EEEEK!!!!! That's high! The bad part is...it felt good! UGH, I've made myself sicker instead of better! The Dr. thinks this is why my Xyrem (narcolepsy/sleep medicine) and my Mirapex (restless leg medicine) are not working well. I did ask the Dr. at the last appointment, how my legs were. I only had 16 kicks an hour, which is SIGNIFICANTLY decreased (they were over 200 an hour before weight loss and Mirapex) , BUT if I were using my breathing machine, it may be even less. Do you know what a hassle it is to be a young, vibrant 33 year old couple and be on a breathing machine and sleep meds? GRUMBLE. So I go back on Oct. 16 for the "results" appointment. GRRR...back to the breathing machine!!!
Today I had final consultation with the plastic surgeon. Signed all the papers, went over the procedure and stuff I need to do pre and post surgery. I really like this Dr. He is so hot! He's hilarious, straight forward, sometimes brutely blunt, honest, did I mention hot?! LOL. The Dr. ordered tons of labs cause he said I look anemic. He put me on Iron 3 times a day and vitamins and some other supplements. We have one month to get my body healthy (Nov. 4!!!!). If my Iron is not at least an 8, he will not do surgery!!! GRRRR. Oh, and I have to quit smoking! The kicker, he wants me on protein shakes and to gain a little weight before surgery. WHAT????????? I don't think so!!!! I am 134 lbs right this second, you want me to gain more before I have a body lift??????? Do you think I'm crazy? Cause I think YOU are crazy if you think I'm going to agree to put on weight. Jimeny Crickets! Whatever.
David said, "so you actually gonna take your stuff?" I am totally committed to getting healthy for this surgery. I will take my meds and supplements and all that, so I can do this! I will wake up and take my Iron and Effexor! I will take Iron with my Mirapex at 5pm and I will take my Iron at bedtime(1am) with my last Mirapex and Xyrem! I will take my vitamins and other supplements thru the day. This I swear. That is how bad I want my body lift!!!!
Today my friend Stephanie took Ben for a field trip to cowtown with 25 other school age home schoolers and thier parents and siblings. It's so nice to have friends that help out. It's nice for Ben to get away from the "babies" and do stuff with big kids. He doesn't really care much for cowtown really, but at least he got out and was able to spend time with friends. He's lucky he's a good kid. I wouldn't dare ask my friends to watch or take or what have you, the other two...they are crazy! I try not to put my friends thru that unless absolutly neccessary!

Happy Birthday Benjamin

Saturday, October 2, 1999 This was my 3rd day in the hospital, I was low on amniotc fluid. I was 2 weeks over due. I had been given stuff on my cervix to try to make my body go into labor and it wasn't working. They started me on pitocin and the baby showed signs of distress, so they stopped the pitocin, then there was no progress so they gave me more pitocin, but a lower amount. 2pm something "popped" inside me and caused a lot of pain, then a couple minutes later, it happened again, so I had David get a nurse. She asked if my water broke, I didn't think it had but what do I know? My legs were crossed at the time, so she lifted the blanket and opened my legs and-GUSH-fluid went all over the nurse. My water broke! So she called the Dr. The Dr. was not convinced that my water broke, but the now drenched nurse said, uh, YEAH it had, look at me! The baby's heart rate was not registering well on the monitors, so they screwed a monitor in his head (inside me!). I labored the rest of the day. 9pm they came in and gave me an epidural. 9:30 David went home (3 blks. away) to feed the cats, shower and do some stuff. The Dr. came in to check on me, I was dialated to a 4. They were worried. The babies heart rate was often decelerating to 60, so we called David to get him back, they were rushing me in for a CSection. I called my mom and she prayed for us. David arrived. On the way to the operating room, the baby flatlined, they worked rigorously to "get him back". They finally got a heartbeat and then proceeded with the CSection.
10:50pm, Benjamin Adonis Koopmans entered this world!!! 21 1/2 inches long, 7 lbs. 4 oz. and a full head of black hair. He looked like a little man! Tiny little body with this wise wrinkly old face. He looked "just like his daddy", everyone commented. He was taken to NICU. He was having trouble regulating his body temperature, but other then that, he was fine. I finally got him brought to me about 9am on Sunday (the next day). Daddy and Ben watched the Dallas Cowboys football game and fell asleep in my hospital bed.
Today my Ben is 9 years old! Benjamin is my maternal grandfather's name and Adonis is David's maternal grandfather's name. What can I say about Benjamin today? He is so smart, well behaved, sweet, thoughtful, innocent, loving, helpful and generous. He gives his mom hugs and kisses all the time. He adores any animal, or creature that dwells on this earth. His future plans right now are to live in Pheonix Arizona and work for the Phoenix ASPCA. He loves Bionicles, Pokemon, video games, and his friends!
Happy 9th Birthday Benjamin!!!! I love you sooooooo much!!!!!!