Can't go on

Monday was the last day of our Marriage for Keeps class. Bittersweet. It frees up our Mondays and no scrambling for babysitters, but it was a great time for David and I to spend together and great learning experience. It was also a weekly reminder of how to treat each other and we had to be accountable, as each week we reported what we did to "decide or slide, do our part, or make it safe to connect".
The plastic surgeon called with my lab results. They postponed my surgery to Nov. 20 to give my body time to respond to all the supplements I'm on. I'm not fit for surgery at this time. My iron was a "critical" 7.9 and he won't touch me til it's at least an 8. My liver panel was also high. I am now on iron 3 times a day, as well as 6 chewable vitamins and trying to eat as much protein as I can. It's disappointing, but relieving. It gives me more time to "settle in" here. The garage and basement are nearly impassable at this point and the house needs to be put in order and ready for David and the children to function without me for a while.
I also had a follow up with my neurologist/sleep Dr. this week. That wasn't pleasant either. My sleep study showed that my apnea is worsening. He upped my bipap pressures slightly. They were 12/8 and now 14/10. Also, the apnea is changing. Right now there is a medical reason I stop breathing. It's obstructive sleep apnea. But it's changing to a different kind, I forget the name...but where my body just stops breathing for no reason. He can't predict when it's going to change completely. Could be tomorrow, could be 10 years from now. When it happens, I'll need a new machine that breaths for me, not just pushes air in my face! So he'll need to monitor my "sleep card" (a mircochip in my machine), my blood pressure and sleepiness every 8 weeks for the rest of my life! Guess I gotta start using my machine!!!!!!! Did I mention I'm 33 years old??????????????????? NOT 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official. We're landlords! Marc, David, Steph's brother and our other friends' hubby all got together Saturday and moved Stephane and Marc in 3 hours. It was jsut furniture, as Steph has been making a dozen trips a day for the last couple weeks moving stuff in her van. Stephanie's dryer went kaput and we found them a free dryer and so they're all fixed up there too! Saturday night we all hung out by thier firepit and had smores and a couple celebratory drinks to a "completed move".
Today is not a good day. The move is complete, but everything here is in such disarray. It's so overwhelming. I feel like I can barely function, like I can't go on!!!
Also, today would by my mom and dad's 34th wedding anniversary. I can only imagine how my mom is dealing, coping, feeling. I want to be there, hold her, hug her! I am so torn. I wish I could be by my family. I should be there taking care of them! I am so worried about my mom, I have called her house, cell, and Julie and JoEllyn's phones! I just don't nwat her to be alone today! I hate feeling helpless! I am so angry at my dad for leaving us! I am just like him tho! How can I be mad at him? I KNOW what I need to do. I know I need to care for myself better. I don't! I'm headed in the same direction...an early grave. The difference is, my family would completely be able to function without me and honestly I probably wouldn't be missed. They'd really be better off...less controlled, more at ease, no schedule, happy!!!! David is so good and self sufficient, they don't need me. Everyone was completely dependent on my dad! Mom was completely dependent on dad!!!!! That pisses me off!
I'm just so tired and really feeling like I can't go on right now.