"Fireproof"

I told my friend Rachel about starting this Bible study "Fireproofing your Marriage" that David and I signed up for at the new church. She asked if I had seen it yet. I said no. She said it was playing at the "cheap theater" and she would watch the kids, we should go see it. So, we did. We went to the 915pm show, because as usual, I procrastinated and lost track of time, and we were running late and missed the 630pm show! When we first got it in the theater it was playing in, I was annoyed. There were teenagers, Mexican families with little kids speaking only Spanish, I was like, "uh are we in the right theater?" It actually wasn't bad. Once the movie started, the kids and teens were fine. It was a nice time. The movie was GREAT!
First of all, it's a very religious movie, but I think "non-religious" people can appreciate it too. It starts out with this couple fighting (he's a firefighter) and David and I looked at each other and laughed. He said, "are they talking about themselves or us?" LOL. It's about the guy not communicating and showing love to the wife and the wife not respecting the husband. They decide to get a divorce. The guy calls his dad and the dad challenges the son to do this "Love Dare" stuff to try to save his marriage. You can tell the guy is only doing it to "prove" something-like that he can do it, or you know...his heart just wasn't in it. He wasn't doing it out of love. His "attempts" at doing these wonderful things, keeps getting rejected by the wife. About half way thru he's talking to his dad again, saying "how can I keep doing these things when I keep getting rejected?" And the dad bascally tells him that he keeps rejecting God and how can he love and expect love and respect back, when he hasn't respected or accepted God's love. He ends up turning over his life to Christ and things go from there.
Okay, so I have to say, I LOVED this movie!!!!! Whether you are religious or not...I highly recommend it! The dynamics of the marriage is so universal! All married couples can relate to this couple. It's about commitment and uncondtitional love. "Never leave your partner behind, especially in a fire!"
David and I sat in the car, in front of Rachel's house for a bit talking. Then we got the kids and went home. It was so wonderful! David wants to buy it and watch it weekly! LOL

Unmotivated

Other then the couple evenings a week we go to church and then Sunday morning, I haven't been greatly busy. I have had the oppurtunity to get together with friends for playdates, sotrytime at the library, or arranged to go to a YMCA workout class and it just hasn't happened. For one reason or another, either the kids are fighting even getting dressed for the day, or we slept late, or just not feeling like getting out. It's crazy. I can't get motivated to leave the house! The house is clean, serene, I have my routine. It's not like I'm laying around and the house is a mess or anything. I'm very active in the house. I've been making progress in the basement. I've been watching TV, reading, playing a lot with my new digital scrapbooking program, playing games (alone and with the kids), art and school with the kids, etc. It's just warm, and cozy and don't want to leave I guess! Ugh, I guess once spring hits, the "out and about" attitude will hit me again- maybe.

Why do I do this to myself?

A couple of the "bussed" kids that attend church on Tuesday and Wednesday, moved out of "bussing area". We drive right by their house to go to church, so I offered to pick up and drop off kids. What this means is...on Tuesday's I can't hang out and chat with friends, I have to drop off the kid I pick up right after church. And on Wednesday, instead of going early and hitting the gym before church, I can't leave til 630pm, when I pick up the kids and then again, can't hang out afterwards as I have to get kids home right away. This also means other people are depending on me and now I have "boundaries". I don't do boundaries very well! LOL I thought it was no big deal when I volunteered and I've just discovered that it is! LOL. UGH. WHY do I do this to myself? You know why? It was either the kid didn't come, or Rachel be very inconvienced by having to get him and why should Rachel have to come all the way out by me to get him when he's on my way...same with the Wednesday pick ups! SIGH. It will just take a couple weeks to adjust too...I'm just venting at the moment, it's really not that big a deal. I just felt like I spent Tuesday and Wednesday running around like a chicken with my head cut off, from 4pm-9pm.

The new church

A little history: I was raised in 3 churches...birth-8 (super huge), 8-14 (tiny) and 14-18 (medium). I was raised with church being a sense of family and loyalty and obligation. Some BAD things happened in church that made me not want to be part of it. When I turned 18 and was on my own, I went all rebellious and got into a lifestyle NOT SO CHURCH WORTHY!!! I mean I went crazy! Other then holidays with the family, I didn't go to church again til I met David. After we moved from California, we didn't attend again til David's father and WACKO step mother sent a church after us. It was a nice thought, but we purposely didn't go out of pure rebellion. One summer when David was deployed, I did this "church hopping" thing. I took Ben to several vacation Bible schools. The last one we attended was the one up the street that David's family "sook" after us! Well, it was okay, I didn't see anything wrong with it. I knew the Pastor and his wife and daughter and my friend Rachel and her family went there, so it was comfortable and it was 4 doors away, so convienent! We have been at that church ever since...about 5 years. Last year, we finally decided we wanted to become members. We felt called to be more permanent, grounded, and be more then just "attenders", we wanted to help. BOY was that a mistake!!!! Several things happened and well, we just know it's not for us. Although, we still love the Royal Rangers and Missionettes program are staying commited to that. BUT, we knew we needed and wanted to find a new SUNDAY church, where are are fed spiritually and encouraged to thrive, not held down. But we're lazy too and haven't been "scouting churches". Well Chris and Bonnie invited us to attend with them during thier visit, so we did.
Sunday, January 18, 2009 we visited a new church, and it turned out well. First thing I noticed is there are two teachers per clasroom for the kids. This is important for me, as it creates accountability and a safer environment. There weren't too many kids, but not too few either. There was a good mix of ages in the congregation, as a large teen group. The songs were hymns and upbeat too. It wasn't too formal nor too casual. The message ("Fellowship") spoke right to David and I (we each thought this, but didn't know it til we got home and discussed it). The pastor is a Dr. in roughty estimating his late 40's. Afterwards, we were greeted by tons of people. I filled out the info card, the test-will they contact me? Afterwards there was a fellowship lunch, and Bible study, which everyone encouraged us to attend if even we didn't want to stay for the Study. Ben liked it, remembered his teachers name and what they talked about and wants to go back too. Now THAT is impressive! LOL. Our two families were seperated at lunch, since we got to the lunch late, with all the socializing in the sanctuary. More people came up to us at lunch, everyone as so nice. Turns out there are several other homeschooling families and military familes in the congregation. I left feeling pretty impressed. Yet at the same time-skeptical.
Wednesday, I recieved a letter in the mail from them. Not only typed, but handwritten as well by thte pastor himself. Then Saturday, I received a call, asking if they could come over to deliver the "information about the church" that I requested in the visitor's card. I told him that we were probably going to attend the next day, so it wasn't neccessary, and I asked him a couple questions. There is a Bible Study starting Feb. 8 for sunday nights...several are offered, but I'm interested in the "Fireproof your marriage" one. Turns out, the guy that called me, is the one teaching it (and his wife). The next test...a second visit.
We attended the new church a second time (Jan. 25-yes I'm back blogging as usual!) and I am even more impressed! The kids were being restless and so we made them go to class this time. It was heartbreaking-Christianna bawled. Turns out, it only last 30 seconds! They didn't want to leave when we came back to get them!!!! LOL Shanndon is going to "be brave" and go in the "big kid class" next week! The message ("The Sanctity of Life"-for the anniversary of Roe V. Wade) was phenominal and really spoke to me, I was in tears practically the entire time! At lunch, more people greeted us, the pastor came up to us and said how great it was to see us again. I told him I had spoke to a man who was teaching the Marriage class, and he then got him and introduced us. The congregation has just floored me! Someone even noticed one of our kids was missing! Ben was at a friends house and didn't attend this week.
We are new here, don't know anyone! In fact, I've been scouring the congregation for an inkling of a familiar face! This is a whole new scenario for me and really quite scary and overwhelming for me, yet exciting at the same time. We did ask some friends if they knew anything about this church and thier opinion about it. They had good things to say. So we'll see. This "new church" does a program called Awana, which I'm not to into. It's more memoriztion and competition, rather then skill like Royal Rangers or Pioneers (that I grew up in), so we'll keep Royal Rangers and Missionettes.
Is this our new church? We're willing to put some time into and find out. Will keep you updated! :)

Inlaws January 2009 visit

Chris and Bonnie were suppose to come back and visit the first week in January, but Chris came down with the flu. If he was better and no one else got sick, they'd come up "Martin Luther King weekend", before his school started (Friday-Sunday). Monday before MLK weekend, Bonnie's step grandmother passed away. The funeral was Friday, so then the plan was to come Saturday about noon-Monday about noon. They didn't arrive til 6pm, Saturday. They left about 11AM, Monday.

It was a good visit. Not as exhausting as the last. Probably cause I'm doing a lot better and I'm a lot more healed. Also, it wasn't as mentally and emotionally strenuous. We barely saw the kids all weekend! The cousins all played so well together! Chris said it's like Disney World for them here. It was great, they could take thier kids home and deprive them and then they'd really appreciate it here! LOL. I will admit we have just about anything for any age that has ever been made! LOL.

Chris said they wanted to attend a church here and they'd like to encourage us to come along, but wouldn't make us. So, we all tried out a new church. I hate to admit it, but he picked a good one. We think we've found a new church home. Will blog about that later. Sunday after church, David and Chris went to Walmart to get thier car fixed, Chris' car was messed up. Bonnie and I talked all day, it was very nice. Kids played very well. I cooked a roast in the crockpot-put it in before church, then came home and cut up and added veggies. They loved it. The whole weekend was very uplifting. Both Chris and Bonnie just flattered me to death! Went on and on about the cooking and guest accommodations. I have to say, it was quite the ego booster! Makes me feel up for hostessing again! :) David did the breakfasts and I did the dinners.

I had bought "Slime" on Friday night. Sunday afternoon all 6 kids sat at the table playing slime! It horrified Bonnie! She hates messy and crafty stuff! LOL. The kids were covered to thier elbows. They had "flung" slime onto the walls and dropped it on the carpet. It came off! It was fine. My kids love all that messy stuff. They play Playdoh for HOURS! And you should see them go to town with GOOP (cornstartch and water mixture)! I do messy stuff all the time. :) She just laughed and said she was glad it was me and not her. And pondered about how I could handle it. I just went behind them and cleaned, that's all. I don't care.

Before they left, Monday morning, I had Bonnie trim my hair straight across the back, just to even it out. Then we got group pictures of the kids. It was a very nice visit.

Dandi Flower

Dandi Flower arrived today. She bit and peed on David as soon as she got in the door! LOL. That night, my inlaws arrived while I was out and she bit and peed on David again! My sister in law adores the dog and wants her for herself (but they can't have animals in campus housing). Bonnie actually taught us (from watching the "Dog Whisperer"?!) how to "control" the dog. It's working! Dandi is now doing very well. No accidents, no biting. Her and Sky get along great. In fact, it's made Sky more active! They run up and down the halls and play around. It's real cute. The kids love having a little dog and carry her around. I went out that night and got her a pink leather collar with "diamonds" on it. She'd never worn a collar before! I also got her a dog bed and pink leash. She got out of the yard once, there was a big gap under the gate and she just went right thru it. So, David put bricks there and we've not had a problem since. She's the type of dog that follows you everywhere and lays at your feet and the second you lay down, she's cuddling around your neck. She is a chewer though. She's chewed up several toys, even though she has her own toys and we give her bones. We kennel her at night and when we leave the house. She barks at the guinea pigs whenever she's in Ben's room, they don't even flinch though. It's like they know they are protected in a cage. She also barks at and chases the cats, even though she's smaller then them!!! They rarely come up from the basement now. Shadow comes in my room at night-I guess he knows Dandi is kenneled. Both Majix and Shadow come flock to the kitchen in the morning for thier "wet food", while Dandi is outside. I feed them in bowls on the table. Once Dandi comes in though, off to the basement they run! Dandi sits at the top of the stairs barking for about 30 seconds, then off to play again. Poor cats! LOL. I guess eventually they'll all get used to each other. She's eating just fine too. The previous owners said she ate mixed dry and wet food, but she hasn't had any wet food since being here. She immediately started eating the dry and has been fine, so why mess with it? LOL I haven't made time to call vets to find prices and appts. for getting her spade yet. My neice wants to mate her male dauchshand with our female. I dunno though. Could be a lot of trouble. David asked me last night if I was still happy with my little "Paris Hilton" dog, as she was curled around my neck. I just smiled and said yes. I really didn't realize til now, just how big Sky is!!!!!!!!!! He feels gargantuan!!!! Especially, the several times that they are both under my feet! Hmmm, 70 lbs. versus 7 lbs.!!!! LOL. I think this was good decision. Everything's going great! She hasn't bit anyone since the first day. And, I think David even kind likes the "rat infestation". ROFLMAO.

Another baby for the Koopmans family

Another baby for the Koopmans family...can you believe it? I hardly can, but I'm so excited! It is fate! I totally believe in "if it's meant to be, it will be". I was browsing craigslist "free" category this evening and saw "Mini Longhaired Dachshund (Wichita, KS FREE)" with a picture. I've always wanted a small dog. So I called David and showed him the pic and asked if I could respond. He said, "sure". So at 7:24pm, I did-sent the person an email describing our family and how we have a 1 year old dog that I'd like to get a friend for and how I've always wated a small dog and she'd be mine, and that we live at McConnell Afb and I'm a stay at home-homeschooling mom (showing I have time for her) and that hubby is Air Force. A bit later, I went back to the "free" category and the listing was gone. I thought, "oh darn, they found a home already (therefore removing the ad), oh well, it wasn't meant to be." So, I continue with my browsing different categories on craigslist and checking email (I've had a big productive day and haven't been online for hours! So, I was reveling in down time!). So at 8:23pm, our phone rings for the first time today. We didn't recognize the name on the caller ID, but David answered and handed me the phone. The woman says, "Hi, I'm ---". I said, "okay". SHe said, "the one with the miniature longhaired dauschand, you replied to on craigslist". I said (completely shocked!), "oh okay, hi! yes." Turns out, the girl is former AF and had been deployed with David once and her hubby used to work with David. They are moving to Spain (so can't/don't want to take her with) and her children are little (3 under age 4) and trample and are too rough with the dog. They are bringing her by tomorrow! Dandi Flower is 10 months old (she'll be 1 yr in March). She's not fixed yet, but has not been in heat yet either. She's microchipped and up to date on shots and all records are already at the base vet! She's got AKC papers (although not yet registered, as the owners weren't planning on breeding her). She's crate trained, house broken, ,and completely spoiled! I'm so excited-although she probably won't be as spoiled here. LOL But I do plan on keeping her kinda spoiled ;) I have to go buy a pink diamond leash and collar now!!!!!!!! Okay, gonna go do research on our new baby!!!!

Bottomless Pit

Holy Crap-my 2 year old daughter has become a bottomless pit! She's constantly hungry! She even wakes up in the middle of the night hungry! What the heck? Then on top of that, shes a picky eater, so she ends up wasting half of everything I give her! Could there be something wrong with her? Or is this just a "growth spurt"? Crimeny! I'm going to have to give her up for adoption, cause I can't afford her food bill! LMAO-just kidding, geesh.

8 week post surgical update

Well, It's been a while since I updated, so here goes...

November 20, 2008-I had a middle body lift (belt lipectomy) This Thursday is the end of my 8th post surgical week. I am WAYYYYYYYYYYYY better then any other updates!!!! I do still swell if up too long, so I do need to lay down and rest periodically thru the day, but barely any pain. The only pain I'm in really is the occasional, twinge or burn, or pull if I move a wrong way. Most my resting is due to lack of stamina, or excess of swellig. I have to wear this "body shaper" thing (goes from my breast bone down to my knees!) for 6 weeks. The doctor was very happy at my Dec. 31 appt. I will go back February 11 for my "after" pictures. We had David's brother and family here before Christmas and then David's dad here for Christmas and after. I had so much activity and "hostessing" and events that I ended up laid up from Christmas afternoon and for the following 4 days! The kids really enjoyed thier visit with thier Papa, but I ended up in bed nearly his whole visit. LUCKILY, he's very understnading and I warned him before hand and he was completely understanding and empethetic! I have been able to do a lot more in the way of house keeping and taking care of the kids. Even though I don't like driving-I am now driivng again-as of Jan. 5. As of January 6th, I returned to teaching at church. I went to the YMCA for a bit tonight (for the first time since August!) while Benjamin was at Royal Rangers. I walked at a pace of 2 mph, on a 3 incline fo 20 minutes, then did 2 minutes of elliptical (ONLY 2 min!!!), then a few reps of back press, leg and arm presses. I attempted to do an AB press, but the first one seemed "too light" for me, so I upped the weight and realized it was too much, but contined to try, so a total of 3 and had to quit...I hurt myself a bit, so i gathered the kids and left (it was time to pick up Ben anyway). I'm going to try to make it to the gym every Tuesday (except next week as Ben has a presentation that night!) while Ben is at RR and every Wed. before church, even if just to "go" there, even if I don't take classes-to get in the routine and walk for a bit. I am definitly ready to get my energy and strength back. Also would like to get into a morning Y workout routine too, BUT, little at a time I guess. Heck I can't even get motivated to make it ot the driveway to get the morning paper yet! LOL. Anyway, I'm not "all better" or back to normal, but there was a definite change in week 6 and things are definitly on the positive road. I still wouldn't do it again, or recommend it, but I'm doing a lot better :) Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers and friends that have helped our family. More bragging on the family...David and the kids have been wonderful. I barely survived the holidays and could not have made it thru the last week of 2008 if it hadn't been for my awesome, wonderful, and super supportive husband. I was laid up for a few days after relatives left. So that's my recent update! I'll keep everyone posted.

Pajamas

For the last 8 weeks-since November 20 when I had my surgery-if I've worn clothes at all, it's mainly been pajamas/tshirts/sports bras and underwear. Now it's time to get back to real life. This week I have had to "get dressed for real" everyday. When I look in my closet for what I'm going to wear, I'm faced with a big dilemma!!! One side of my brain says, " I want to wear this big comfy frumpy sweatshirt (or something of that nature)". The other side says "I just spent $14,000 that I'm going to be paying onthe rest of my natural born life and spent 8 weeks with many more to go in complete misery-show off!" So, this week I have been paying close attention to what I've been wearing. I've been wearing shorter shirts that shows the "flat" of my tummy and don't cover up the zipper and butt. The shirts are tighter too, to show off the "flatness". These things are not my style! They are not comfortable! I don't feel I can lounge around in them. I come home and immediately STRIP and put on a PJs or big 3X shirt! Isn't wearing big comfy clothes associated with shame and wanting to cover things up and hide things? I don't want to hide things, but I do like big loose clothes?! UGH! So what's everyone's opinions? Do I sacrifice comfort for trying to look better? (David has certainly liked my "looking good" efforts-which makes me want to do it more-but-it's not comfortable!) Is it just something I need to get used too? Will I eventually feel this is my style? Will I eventually like the clothes? If that's the case, I think I could stick it out, I've done all this misery so far?! Or do I give up and say, hey this is me and wear the big oversized 1,2,3 X clothes on a size 6 body? Heck, it's nearly to the point that my drawstring on my sweats hang to my knees I have to pull them so tight to tie them to fit me. But they are so comfy!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what's really suprising? My pants and jeans-although they removed 5 lbs of skin-are the exact same size. Quite disappointing really! The difference is before they had a big bulge in tummy and now they're flat! So...what should I do?

Goals for 2009

Like most people, I have been thinkng of things I'd like to change about myself or life situation, in the new year. I haven't thought about them for a long time, and I don't really have a plan. I am not going to beat myself if I slip up either. All I can do is wake up every day and try to be intentional. It will be a daily goal, not a yearly goal. Here is my list, in no particular order:
1. Pay down debt and budget better
2. Attend the YMCA (which we pay an arm and a leg for each month and don't use!) and excercise at least 3 times a week.
3. Eat and drink healthier
4. Cook more/eat out less
5. Yell less/chill out
6. Develop a little bit more structure
7. Play with the kids more
8. Be less critical and negative/Be more positive
9. Smile and laugh more
10. Work on the marriage-learn David's love language and speak or do it more.
11. Clean and organize the basement
12. Get back to scrapbooking, take time for myself, take time to read and persue learning about things I am interested in.
13. Use my breathing machine
So, I hadn't counted til I typed it out, but that looks like a lucky 13! Some of these things aren't ready to happen right away. It will be a little bit before I'm ready to go back tot he YMCA and workout. I can walk and do a little bit of stuff, but I can't do the intense classes I had been involved in in early 2008! It would be nice though to put the kids in the kid zone and just walk on the treadmill for a while, alone or with a friend; or join friends for swimming. Also, some of them are already a work in progress; like the working on the marriage and taking time to learn about things I'm interested in and the "chilling out/yell less". I am hoping that by some things already being underway, and others not being ready yet, and that by waking up and being intentional every day, that my goals won't be hard to achieve nor seem so overwhelming. Wish me luck!

Not so great 2008

I have to say, I am looking very forward to 2009! I hate to say it, but 2008 SUCKED! Here is my recap and ending with 10 positives!
David returned home early from deployment in January, after having gotten in trouble and losing a stripe, which cost our family $800 a month in pay and benefits, plus a $500 fine on top of that and also put his career in jeopardy! This happened after I took the family in December with our exchange students on a very expensive trip to Chicago that I couldn't afford anyway, because I hadn't seen my family in three years and I was home sick! They tell you that it's hard to reintegrate after deployment, but this had been the hardest deployment and reintegration yet! In February, I came down very sick, and it lasted on and off til MAY! I thought I was going to die! To my recollection, I had never been so sick, let alone for so long, in my life! March, I ended up getting so fed up with our exchange student, Maialen, that we demanded the agency find her another home, after her having been in our home for 6 months! Luckily, this ended up being the best decision for our family and, I believe Carolina our other student, that could have ever been made. I just wish we'd have done it sooner! In March, David changed jobs within the Air Force and it's a job that is done at the home base, so he's no longer deploying. This has allowed him to take classes and he's working towards his AirFrame and Power Plant license. Carolina's year with us as over in June and she returned home to Brazil on June 5th. On June 7th, my life was turned upside down by the sudden, unexpected death of my father, at age 59. We took another expensive trip to Chicago, David drove us up and spent 10 days with us, drove home to continue working, and came back in July to get us. It is very painful to be so far from my family! David was allowed to reenlist in July! So he can finsih his 20 year military career and retire. David and I were having a lot of marital problems. This year has truely been a test for our marriage! We returned home July 6th and on July 8th, moved into base housing. (LOVE IT!!!!!) I then spent the summer working vigorously to get a daycare up and running. After lots of hours, traveling from house to house, keeping 2 houses clean, classes, interviewing, purchasing furniture, kids miserable, etc., we had to come to terms with the fact that we could not go on any longer. I was not getting clients! I needed 3 kids to make my mortgage and expenses and I only had one. On. October 15th, we were blessed to allow a close friend and her family, to move into and rent our house. So now we live in one place! The kids are happier, we are happier, we were able to help friends out, and we're not in jeopardy of losing our house! November 20th, I proceeded to go thru with my dream of having a middle body lift (AKA Belt Lipectomy). While I thought this was a good thing, I quickly came to learn that I was ending 2008 in compelete misery. I am still recovering and things are better now...but I don't look back on the last 8 weeks of 2008 as pleasant!
I would like to end my look back on 2008 on a positivie note. Great things that happened in 2008...
1. My sister Theresa came to Chicago for my dad's funeral. I had not seen her in several years. ALL 8 of my parents living children were together!
2. Base housing. The kids all have thier own bedroom and private space in our 4 bedroom house. It's on a caldesac and 10 ft. from our back gate is a park. The kids are so happy, and we are happy.
3. David was able to reenlist.
4. David took initiative to better himself and his career by enrolling in college classes.
5. David and I began working on our relationship. We are in marriage counseling and working on our communication. Things have been going really well. He is communicating more. He has also taken initiative to go to personal counseling. We are learning each other's "love languages", we are learning to ask people for help (friends, family, counselors, etc.), and we are learning to communicate.
6. This year, I have had to learn to ask for help. I've had to ask friends to babysit, so I could attend classes and counseling sessions. I've had to ask for help, give up my pride, and realize that I can't do everything and not everything can be done perfectly. I've had to ask for help with moving. I've had to ask the father in law for help with finances. I humble myself and accept the fact that while I've been laid up for 8 weeks, the house is still standing and it's not a pigsty!
7. I have learned that I have some great friends! Many people put together meals for our family, so David didn't have so much work while I was laid up. Many people have babysat for us. Many friends have called, emailed, prayed, etc.
8. The hardest surgery is done and over with!
9. This is David's first year home with the little kids for Christmas!!!! He's usually deployed Sept/October-Jan/Feb. While we've had a "boring" holiday...it's been a wonderful holiday full of memories!
10. Last but not least, I am going to brag on my family. My husband and kids have been phenominally amazing!!!!!!!!! The kids have been patient, and understanding. They have been concerned and compassionate, gentle and sweet. David has been taking initiative, compassionate, understanding, sweet and vigilent through my surgery and healing process.